Van Helsing: A Spooky, Pulpy Time Capsule

Just in time for Halloween,

Gaius Warner

brings us this deliciously pulpy treat. Look at the tagline on that poster. Who could resist? ~ The Editor

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A Halloween Classic?

Seasonal movies are as much a part of modern holidays as any ancient tradition now. For the spookiest day of the year, there are a few obvious classics: The Nightmare Before Christmas, Hocus Pocus, maybe a slasher flick or two. Good choices all. But in my house there’s an annual favorite that most folks seem to have forgotten.

It’s 2004’s Van Helsing, starring Hugh Jackman and directed by Stephen Sommers. I watch it every year, and every year I reaffirm my appreciation for this schlocky gem. In an age of tired, worn-out franchises with predictable politics and plot points, Van Helsing is a breath of fresh air. Or perhaps a welcome beam of moonlight through the darkness.

Plot Summary

Van Helsing is a crossover super-film, a mashup of the classic movie monsters. In it, Dracula seeks to use Dr. Frankenstein’s machine to bring life to his monstrous children. With werewolves as his bloodhounds, he ravages the Transylvanian countryside, looking for the only suitable key to unlock the machine – the Frankenstein monster himself.

Meanwhile, the swashbuckling Van Helsing serves the Church in Rome as a monster hunter, as he has done for centuries. Without any memories to explain why he does what he does, the man struggles with his own conscience. He is sent to Transylvania with his bumbling monk sidekick to hunt down the vampire. He comes to the aid a beautiful woman named Anna, who has sworn to slay Dracula to free her family from an eternal curse.

But when Van Helsing arrives at Dracula’s castle, the monster recognizes him, and effortlessly resists all attempts to destroy him. This assignment may be the one that unveils both past and future for the unstoppable hunter.

Obligatory Nitpicks

No doubt this all sounds rather silly. And let’s not beat around the bush: it is. The movie is riddled with contrivances, convenient discoveries and unrealistic stunts that would make a Marvel movie blush. Imagine the Frankenstein monster swinging from a rope atop a tower to stop Igor from killing a man with a cattle prod. Now you’ve got the idea.

The dialogue has its flaws, too. In particular, Dracula’s three wicked wives have some doozies. Subtlety was apparently not much of a priority in this script. In addition, this was right at the beginning of the “ironic era” of film dialogue, so there are more than a few anachronistic quips.

I give the CGI a pass in this one. Of course, sometimes it looks more like a screensaver than a multi-million-dollar Hollywood production. But it was 2004, and for its time the movie holds up.

Pulpy Goodness

In the original Dracula book, Dr. Van Helsing was a kindly old man, a physician and philosopher. This time he’s a fatalistic warrior, storming the castle gates, crossbow in hand. Van Helsing isn’t here to broaden your mind, it’s here to show you a good time. It’s pulpy, it’s adventurous, it chooses fun over finesse every single time.

2004 was an age of dark reboots and mashup properties. Remember Kingdom Hearts? Or the Once Upon a Time TV show? Such projects are passé now, but Van Helsing is a reminder of why we all liked them so much. The opening scene is a black-and-white depiction of an angry mob storming Frankenstein’s castle. The unexpected appearance of Dracula in such a classic image immediately elevates the story, and grabs the viewer’s attention.

And if you’re a fan of FromSoftware, watch Van Helsing fight Mr. Hyde atop Notre Dame in Paris and tell me that Bloodborne didn’t take a least a little inspiration from this movie. The mask, the trick weapons, the hulking monster – it’s all here first.

Speaking of trick weapons, did I mention that this is a steampunk movie? Van Helsing’s sidekick, Carl, is not just there for comic relief. He’s an inventor and a scholar, creating all manner of retrofuturist gadgets.

The story is quite episodic, each scene hurrying its way to the next awesome set piece. In that regard it feels like a comic book, or maybe a serialized novel. Lots of side quests, spectacles for their own sake, and satisfying climaxes along the way. It’s pulp fiction for the silver screen.

Flashes of Brilliance

But if I may take my tongue out of my cheek for a moment, I would like to stress that this is not some ironic, so-bad-it’s-good, hate watch. Van Helsing is fun and a little cheeky, but overall it takes itself very seriously, and that opens it up to flashes of actual cinematic brilliance.

My favorite scene has to be when Anna is captured and held for ransom at a masquerade, dancing with Dracula in a crowded hall. The dashing vampire dips her down before a wall-sized mirror and comments that they make a beautiful couple. Anna gasps because, of course, Dracula has no reflection. But you probably failed to realize that no one else was in the mirror either, except Anna. When Van Helsing storms the ball only to be faced with an army of angry vampires, you realize that the film tipped you off minutes before – you just weren’t paying attention! It’s a perfect twist, because the reversal comes as a result of the camera guiding the viewer’s focus, not the script inventing a surprise.

The revelation of Van Helsing’s identity is handled with equal skill. Rather than beating you over the head to make sure you don’t miss it, the movie allows you to slowly realize what it just told you, even to question whether you heard it right. When Dracula first encounters Van Helsing, he smiles and whispers, “Hello, Gabriel.” No one else in the movie calls him that, it’s not his first name. Why then? Dracula later identifies him as the Left Hand of God, the one who first killed him, 400 years earlier.

SPOILER ALERT: Van Helsing is the Archangel Gabriel.

Is it Shakespeare? No. But it’s a cool idea. And the movie carries it off on the strength of its lead performances and impressive visuals

Happy Halloween. Let’s Have Some Fun

I intend to continue to watch this movie every Halloween, to laugh at the silly bits, and thrill at the spooky parts. And I’ll comment to my wife that, yes, after another year Van Helsing is still pretty great. I wholeheartedly recommend that you do the same.

In a way, it’s a time capsule, a fine representation of a certain kind of art that was being made at one time. There are certainly no “modern” sensibilities in it, if you know what I mean. The men are dashing, the women are beautiful, and no one is trying to teach anyone anything. That makes it rather timeless, and quite refreshing in the current climate.

Van Helsing may be lowbrow, but it’s got ambition, and it’s got style. That’s what makes pulp so much fun.

Remember when movies were fun?

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